I Can’t Feel My Face

THE FOLLOWING IS WRITTEN IN THE STYLE OF RADIO DEAD AIR‘S NASH BOZARD.

One of the major advantages of technology is that it has made life more convenient, especially for the socially awkward among us who find it hard to make friends through more traditional methods. Unfortunately, even something as simple as auditory aid can be made all the more complicated, once the human element – by which I mean, willful ignorance – is introduced.

From the inappropriately named town of Manassas, Virginia, comes the other thing you think of when you hear the word, “rear-ender.”

Samantha Winslow, 23, having just gotten her license returned to her following a suspension for driving under the influence, told her boyfriend and fellow college student, Matthew de la Cruz, to take the wheel for her, so she could flash herself, for old times’ sake. Of course, there was only one problem: Matthew had yet to pass his own driver’s license test.

The end result was equally as academic: a multi-car pile-up on Route 3 ensued, complete with Samantha smashing through the windshield of her car, leading to several thousand dollars’ worth of repairs to be made, both to the other wrecked vehicles, as well as Samantha’s own busted headlight.

Police at the scene go on to note that nobody died as a result of the crash, but that is the only positive thing of note in this story.

What in the wonderful world of Disney is wrong with you, lady?

You let someone, without a learner’s permit, much less an actual license, drive for you so you could take a selfie! Have you never considered waiting, until after you returned home, to start bragging to your Facebook friends about your newly-reclaimed license?

Here, I’ll simplify it for you. This…
Rush Hour Traffic

…plus this
#tdc1216

…equals this!
#tdc1211

September 11th, 2015 by
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